last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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