You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
