Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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