i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
