you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
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By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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