I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
