I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
