You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
