I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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