It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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