I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
