I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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