forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
