Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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