And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
