I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
