so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
