So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
