OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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