she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
