giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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