My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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