I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
