I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
