Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
