sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
