fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize