everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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