Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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