we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
