I'm going to jail i love you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
