Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
