I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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