yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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