note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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