i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
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so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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