don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
