He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
