Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
