I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
