Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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