girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
