Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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