i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
