Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
