Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
