Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
