You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
