i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
