I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
