That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
