'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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