maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
