i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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