she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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