using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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