you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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