Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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