My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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