remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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