I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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