I puked a lego.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
