Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
