Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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