Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize