is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
