You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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