Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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