I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
